i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
