ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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