I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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