I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
