I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
