Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
