do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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