Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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