I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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