Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
