I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
