do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
