before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
