i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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