Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
