Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just threw up on my dentist
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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