we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
