I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
