If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
