the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
