I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
