I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize