Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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