all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my being single is dangerous.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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