that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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