Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
