Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
