the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
