I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
