Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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