he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
