Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
