I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
