Where is the hickey?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
