Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There r osticjed everywhere
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
