Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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