Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
