And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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