No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
