So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
