God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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