Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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