You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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