i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You smell like a Billy Joel song
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
