i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
