my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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