Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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