Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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