Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
