He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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