I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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