I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
