You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize