woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize