What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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