tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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