we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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