It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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