My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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