i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
