I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
