if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
