Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize