How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
