I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
