Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
