I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
