does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
