I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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