Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
