I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm at about main and main street
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
