Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
