im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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