Its about making memories worth repressing
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
