I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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