Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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