Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dignity is for republicans.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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