I'm so fucking centered right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
