I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize