Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
