I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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