Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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