i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
