i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize