the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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