I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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