Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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