Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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