I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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