Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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