You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
