I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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