Pappa wants mamma naked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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