worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize