we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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