just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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