Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
