Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
