she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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