she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
