oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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