Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
