after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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