Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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