Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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