Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
