As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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