is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you didnt know i had herpes?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
