well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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