and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm at about main and main street
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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