theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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